Best Name For A Wireless Network

Prevents that awkward talk with your neighbor in the hallway.

Little Kids Can Be Such Dicks

Two little girls called Nora "poo poo pants" today in school and made her sad. I told her the next time they say that, fire back with, "Oh yeah? At least I'm not a whore!"

Kindergarten can be brutal.

Adventures on the Amtrak

I took the Amtrak Acela train from Boston to New York yesterday. There was a storm before I left which resulted in massive delays. What is normally a 3.5 hour ride turned into a 7.5 hour ride. Needless to say, I went a bit crazy.

After 5.5 hours:

"I'm going crazy!"

After 6 hours:

"The train has turned into a roller coaster!"

"The train has taken me to Paris!"

After 6.5 hours:

"I'm swimming!"

"I'm scuba diving!"

"I'm flying!"

After 7 hours:

"I met someone on the train~I love her."

"We've been holding hands for hours."

"We're getting married!"

I eventually made it home to the relief of everyone on the train.

Puppies!

So I go to see a shrink every month or so and her office is way up on the Upper East Side (i.e., far from Brooklyn.) Whenever it's appointment day, I dread going because it's a haul to get up there, but then I stop and think.... puppies.

Puppies!

You see, my doctor's office is located right by a pet store, and sometimes the thought of visiting the puppies is the only reason I go.

Puppies!

Part of me thinks she picked this office locale on purpose because what better way to get crazy people to come get their meds than with the promise of puppies, right?

Puppies!

I wonder if the pet store is aware of it? Like, whenever they see someone enter clutching a prescription, they think, "Red alert, red alert! We've got another one! Lock the cages!"

I mean, look at this face:

It just breaks my heart. I want to take all of them home every time I visit.

Mario Lopez

Mario Lopez is in Boston and staying at our hotel. I passed him on my way to breakfast and his way to the gym this morning. The moment screamed to me, "This is why you're fat!"