Okay, enough of the feel-good stuff - back to me being a whack.

Warning: If you're not a dog or cat owner, you might find the following post disturbing. (Actually, even if you are a dog or cat owner, you might find the following post disturbing.)

I talk to my dog and cat, I do. I tell them random things, like how my day's going, what I'm making for dinner, etc., and they blink. This isn't uncommon - I'm pretty sure most pet owners talk to their animals. However after a recent trip to LA I took this a step further and began talking back to myself as if I am my pets. Here, let me explain...

While I was recently in Los Angeles, I stayed with two guys, Mark and David, who have two Italian Greyhounds, Brisco and Gertie. (BTW, Gertie is in a book called Greyhounds Big and Small by Amanda Jones.) Every so often one of them would say something to one of the dogs, like, "Hey Brisco, how's it going?" When they did, the other would jokingly answer back as if they were the dog, "Oh I'm okay, just hungry." Odd? Yes, but since there were two of them having the conversation, it was acceptable. (And kind of funny, to be honest.)

Anyway, after staying with Mark and David for a month or so, I picked up this habit. But the thing is... I live alone and don't have a second person to talk back to me, so I started doing it myself. For example, when I gave Beverly her breakfast one day last week (which was dry dog food) she looked at it for a couple seconds but didn't eat it. When she looked back up at me, I asked, "Aren't you hungry?", and then I raised my voice an octave and answered myself as if I were Bev, saying, "Yeah, but where's the gravy, bitch?!"

On one hand I think I'm losing it (I mean, I'm having conversations with myself - it's kinda schitzo), but on the other hand I think my behavior isn't that odd. I mean, everyone talks to their pets. Besides, at least I do it alone in my apartment and no one can hear me - right??

WRONG.

It was yesterday, I don't know what came over me. I took Beverly out with me to run errands and she fell asleep in her bag while we were on the subway. When she did, someone sitting next to me commented about her looking exhausted, so I looked down at her and asked, "Bev, are you tired?" Hearing my voice, she raised her ears and looked up at me, at which point I raised my voice an octave and said back to myself as if I were her, "Yes, Mommy! I'm so, so tired!"

The person on the train looked at me like, Sh*t woman - take your meds. I mean, not only did I talk to myself like I was my dog, but I called myself "Mommy." Yikes.

I'm not losing it, I'm not. I simply picked up a bad habit and need to break it. But anyway, all this leads me to wonder... what kind of odd behavior do you exhibit when you're alone with your pets? C'mon... you know you do something. Let me know what it is. Make me feel better.

PS - Regardng their alter egos... When my cat Elvis talks back to me, he's a major ghetto thug who uses the words "bitch" and "ho" a lot. He's totally disrepectful. Bev, on the other hand, is an out of control teen with a severe drinking problem who often slurs and swears something fierce.