And How Was Your Evening?
May 6, 2010 at 10:31 PM Sooooo, I was out walking Bev tonight when I stumbled upon what I think was a domestic disturbance, so I sort of broke it up, and then I called 911, and then the police came, and... oh, geez.
Okay, step by step.
Walking down Clinton Street. Historic section of Cobble Hill, so $$$.
On the corner of Baltic, a door to an apartment building opens and an Asian woman in her mid-fifties stumbles out. Her husband, also Asian in his mid-fifties, is standing behind her, trying to pull her back inside. She is struggling, crying, and can barely stand. She keeps saying, "Don't touch me, don't touch me."
The woman makes it to the sidewalk and walks towards me, so I say, "Are you okay?" She says no and grabs hold of my arm.
As the husband approaches, she cries harder and says, "Stay away, stay away," so I instinctively step between them. Does he look like an abuser? No, not really, but what does an abuser look like? I know it's probably not a safe thing to do, but I'm actually bigger than this guy, so I'm kind of scared but not really.
I say to the woman, "Do you want me to call someone?" She nods yes. I say, "The police?" She nods yes again. Then she collapses on the sidewalk and lays on her back.
As I get my phone out, the husband again tries to approach her and says, "Come on, come back inside." She cringes and sobs and again says, "Don't touch me." At this point, I don't know what happens but I grow a huge set of balls, put one foot on either side of her so I'm standing over her, like to protect her, and then I turn to the guy and scream, "BACK AWAY! DON'T YOU TOUCH HER!" He totally backs away.
I dial 911 and a lady answers. I tell her exactly what happened. I say that I think it's domestic because she asks. The whole time I'm on the phone, the woman on the ground has a death-grip on my hand (I'm kind of squatted down now) and tears are streaming down her face. I'm telling her it's going to be okay. Beverly is just sitting next to us.
The 911 lady asks if this lady needs an ambulance. I say I don't know because I don't, so she gets all bitchy with me, like, "Listen, does she need one? I need to know." Well, listen, she's laying on the sidewalk bawling and gasping, so sure, send one.
At this point their son comes outside, maybe 17 years old. "Dad, what happened?"
"I don't know," says the husband. "I was sleeping and she just started sobbing and carrying on."
I tell this to the 911 lady, so she tells me to be careful because maybe the husband didn't hurt her, maybe she's crazy. Does she seem crazy? Well, she's scared to death of something, whether it's her husband or a figment of her imagination, I don't know. I will say, the only person she's freaking out about is him. Not me, not her son—just her husband. She won't let me go.
When the police finally arrive, they jump out of their car and start screaming, "Where's the perp?! Where's the perp?!" I don't know what to say because I don't know if the husband did anything or not, so I don't know if he's a perp. I try to explain this to the police but they keep screaming, "Where's the perp?! Where's the perp?!" So I point to the husband and say, "I guess if there's a perp, it's him." I mean, I know they have to be this way because what if this guy has a gun, but they needed to listen to me and no one was doing that.
As one of the police officers starts questioning him, the rest of them hover over this woman and start firing questions at her, "What's going on? Did he hurt you? What's wrong? What happened?"
The woman doesn't say anything because she's still scared of God knows what, so they try to pick her up and she's limp as a noodle.
"Who called us? Why are we here? Is she diabetic?" They look around for an explanation, so I once again try to explain what happened. And once again, everyone keeps cutting me off.
"Well, I was walking by and—"
"Did he hit her?"
"I don't know. She came stumbling out of the door and—"
"Did he hit her?"
"I don't know. They seemed to be—"
"Did he hit her?"
"I don't know. She just kept saying—"
"Did he hit her?"
"I DON'T KNOW."
The son is standing there, so they start asking him what happened. He doesn't say anything, then he says he doesn't know. He seems confused.
"Does your mom speak English?"
"Yes."
"Make her talk. Tell her to talk. If she doesn't talk I'm going to take her away in an ambulance. Where is the ambulance? Why are we here?" They start looking around again.
At this point, I turn to one of the only female cops there and tell her exactly what happened, that the lady cringed every time the husband tried to touch her and told me to call the police. But it was like no one hears me. Because the woman on the ground isn't talking, it's like they assume nothing happened or assume she's crazy—which maybe she is—but I think if she had some kind of mental problem the son or husband would say something like, "She's schizophrenic" or, "This has happened before." And also, maybe she's not saying anything because her husband is standing two feet away from her and she's scared.
Duh.
I once again try to tell them that she didn't want him to touch her and told me to call the police, so one of them turns to me with major attitude and says, "Okay, thank you. Bye bye, you can go now." And then he waves me away like I'm not moving quickly enough.
As Beverly and I turn to leave, I see the ambulance pull up, so that's it. I leave.
The whole thing was weird, but I feel as if I did the right thing. This woman either had a mental breakdown or her husband was abusing her. I just wish the police weren't such dicks.
I need a drink.
Reader Comments (22)
Well that is terrible. You did the right thing. So many people in that situation would have moved on and kept to themselves but you took a stand. Well done you...I'm just sorry we'll never have an answer to what the hell was wrong with her!?
Gin and Tonic is an excellent post trauma stress drink.
You definitely did the right thing. The lady was terrified of something and she asked you to call the police. You are also right that she probably isn't going to speak up if her husband is abusing her while he is standing right there. It is unfortunate the cops were such dicks...it makes it hard to want to call them if you fear there will be attitude given.
karyn. you did the right thing. she won't forget it. i promise you. what you did meant a lot to her. i'm sure of it.
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing, Karyn. You could have saved her life tonight. I hope that the police did their job, regardless of what actually happened, and I hope she's alright.
Remember that: you could have saved a life tonight. Well done.
It must have taken a lot of balls to do what you did. Too bad the police were such dicks. You shouldn't take it personally though. If it makes you feel better, I called 911 when I witnessed a hit and run accident. I just wanted to tell them what street it happened on and pass on the license plate number and make/model of the car, but the 911 operator was such a jerk when I couldn't tell her the exact intersection it was at (I was able to tell her the street and nearby landmarks, I just didn't know what the exact intersection was). It's like if you can't answer every single one of their questions you're of no use. It's sad but they probably act this way all the time and it's only going to make people reluctant to do the right thing.
Totally the right thing. The cops were assholes - like, why didn't they actually TAKE DOWN A STATEMENT FROM YOU? You were a witness, for gods sake, particularly if they figure out that she was abused. If she wasn't, she clearly was in need and her husband couldn't help her, so someone had to. Whether or not it was abuse, a trip to the emergency room was in order, even if there was nothing wrong.
A lot of people in NYC would have walked past. You did the right thing. Well done, lady!
Oh. Mah. Gah.
Don't ever question protecting someone. Unless they have a car bomb.
Rebecca, they never even took my name, let alone a statement.
This is a terrifying story. Really - that poor woman. I'm glad that you are safe, too!
Even if she is crazy, it's much better that you didn't ignore what you saw, and that you gave her hope. What if you were absolutely right and she was terrified for good reason? You followed your instincts, and for sure, you didn't hurt anyone. I wonder why the police behaved that way? How can they do a good job if they don't LISTEN to the only witness who is talking, for goodness' sake?
But you might want to walk a few steps away next time, and THEN call 911. I would worry about you getting in the middle of something that might go awry, and you getting hurt. Take good care - I don't think Bev could defend you. =)
YOU TOTALLY DID THE RIGHT THING. Good for you, Karyn - SO many people would have just walked right by and did nothing. You helped a helpless woman, and bravo to you for doing so. Police can be such dicks - it's a shame that they weren't being more sympathetic to the woman's plight. Really sad - I hope she's doing OK. You're a wonderful person for stepping up like that.
you go Karyn! good job! too bad the cops were such asses
xo Sully
Wow good to know the NYPD advocate so well for potential domestic abuse. How disturbing. You DEFINITELY did the right thing.
You did the right thing. Absolutely. But distressing to hear how the police handled it.
I try not to be a police hater because, you know, we need them and all, but wow. That sucks. You absolutely did the right thing by calling the police.
It kind of reminds me of the time I fell down the stairs in our old apartment and had to go to the hospital. It's pretty standard questioning to ask people admitted if they feel unsafe at home or are scared of anyone or anything - and since I came in because I "fell down the stairs", I was not bothered that I was asked these questions. EXCEPT! They asked me these questions while my husband was sitting right next to me. Again, not that he did anything, but if I was in a bad domestic situation, I probably wouldn't say so right in front of the "perp"!
You totally did the right thing. "Where's the perp?" Do cops really talk like that? Geez. "Protect and Serve" my ass.
You totally did the right thing!
You did the right thing. We need to be more involved. Thank goodness you took a stand. What is up with NYC cops? Our cops don't act like that.
They probably later realized they needed a statement and all they did was push you away. Dumb jerks.
Don't ever stop caring, no matter how many idiots you have to deal with.
I live in Manhattan.Yes the police in NYC are very much that D**ks. You did the right thing Karyn. I would have done the same thing.
You absolutely did the right thing! Police protocol in any city in the United States says that the two parties in a potential domestic abuse situation are to be questioned separately. Medical professionals are also trained to get the patient alone under some medical pretext to question the victim to ensure she has a safe space to disclose what's going on. It's interesting that when people go with a mental health condition, this may excuse why another person was harming her. Regardless of whether or not someone has physical or mental health issues, that person has a right to be free from violence.
Sounds like the NYPD need a little domestic violence 101 re-training.
You absolutely did the right thing & I am super proud of you. Most people probably would have just walked away, but not Karyn! At least you can know that you did everything in your power to help this poor woman, but those cops & emergency responders--jerks!
This is like reading a crime novel. Except I cant turn the page to see what happened!!!
Karyn,
This comment is coming late, and I realize NYC is a whole different beast, but let's all remember that THE POLICE WORK FOR US. They are paid by taxpayers. They work for the citizens. I would have gotten badge numbers and a squad number and filed a complaint not only with the Police Chief, but the Mayor's office as well. And let your local domestic abuse non-profit know about it. When cops act like this, they lose the trust of the very citizens they need on their side.