An Open Letter To Laura
May 12, 2008 at 2:52 PM While I appreciate you telling me about the emails Beverly has been supposedly been sending your sex-addicted cat, Chumley, I think you're the one who needs to have a talk with your little baby and not the other way around.
Beverly is not a dirty girl and would never send those emails. Chumley is making them up. He stalks her. Did you know that? And he takes pictures of her in various states of undress. Like the bathtub picture. If I remember correctly, on that particular day, I caught him hiding in a tree outside our bathroom window, holding a paparazzi-style camera in his left hand and his private parts in his right. He took off running when I spotted him, but there's no doubt in my mind that it was him.
Also, if you want to talk emails, perhaps you should explain this one. Beverly was obviously embarrassed about receiving it, seeing as though I found it in the trash:
To: Beverly
From: Chumley
Re: My love for you
Dear Beverly,
My belly has been unusually fluffy lately. I shed all my winter fur and have sprouted a fresh and furry white coat. Here's a picture of it:
Don't pay attention to the woman holding me; my heart belongs to you and not her.
By the way, is it true that all dogs like bones? If so, I've got a big one for you.
Dreaming of your perky booty and nubby tail,
Chumley
Reader Comments (5)
Is it hot in here or is it just me? That was some spicy, titillating stuff!!
LOL! Cracked me up... both of you! Good thing Yin and Yang lead a sheltered life.... at least I think they do.
I'm covering my kitty's eyes! He doesn't need to know this kind of thing is available to him on the internet. (He has a thing for Chihuahuas.)
Holy Crapbags! This is getting too weird for me and I thought I was the king of weirdness.
Um, Chumley is pretty bold there. Beverly, if you're reading this, I know the way to a girl cat's heart, and it's not with this kind of porn. You might enjoy reading my hilariously funny book, The World Is Your Litter Box. It is in bookstores now and is also available on Amazon. The book is cleverly disguised as a cute cat book so humans will buy it, but is, in fact, a how-to manual FOR cats. Check it out on my website, www.theworldisyourlitterbox.com.