Love, Sex, & My Ex Contest Winner - Week 4
Jun 30, 2006 at 11:34 PM 
by Kristen Hammack
During my sophomore year in college, my roommates and I thought it would be fun to check out the online dating websites. Through doing this, I ended up meeting a guy named Stan. Stan was really nice and, after chatting online for awhile, we decided to go out on a date. Over the course of a month or so, we ended up going out a few times, but eventually things ended between us.
The last date that Stan and I had took place at a comedy club. The show was pretty good, and when it was over, we decided to pick up a movie and go back to my dorm room. After popping in the tape, we both crammed our bodies into my X-long twin bed and things got a little frisky. Stan and I kissed and touched each other and eventually decided to have sex. We both got naked and started going through the motions. Stan was on top and everything seemed to be fine, but then suddenly, he stopped what he was doing and sat on the edge of the bed with his back facing me. Apparently Stan was nervous and not... ready... so he was trying to "assist himself" so we could continue. After realizing it was taking an awfully long time, I sat up to see if I could "help." Eager to get back to things, I quickly reached over with my right hand, but then stopped short of touching his penis when I realized that it was the exact same size as my thumb. Without thinking, I instantly retracted my hand, laid back down on the bed and said, "You know what? Maybe we should do this another time. I need to get to bed." I'm pretty sure the shock of what I had just seen was plastered all over my face, and I'm pretty sure Stan knew that we'd never see each other again. He put his clothes on and left.
The next morning, as I was telling my roommates about the fiasco, I described him as being "thumb d*ck," and from that point on, that's been his name. If I happen to pass a place we went to, I'd say, "Oh, 'thumb d*ck' and I went to that restaurant." Or when I'm at the video store I say, "Oh, 'thumb d*ck' and I saw that movie." As I said earlier, that night was the last date thumb d*ck and I ever had, and I never saw him or his thumb d*ck again.
From Karyn... Yay Kristen! Your book is on it's way.
The reason I picked Kristen's story this week is that I'm sure we've all had a small penis experience, but more than that, I want to know some of the nicknames that all of you have given the guys you've dated.
As for me, there's "Dumb Boy"... he was younger than me and very naive.
There's also "The Fat Guy"... I actually really like him and didn't care that he was fat.
As for "Dan Dan the Earring Man"... I left my earrings in his dorm room and never saw them (or him) again. (DDTEM was one of my shorter *cough* one night *cough* relationships.)
So spill...
Reader Comments (13)
I knew a guy like that.
Just so you know. Size didn't matter.
But with yours, if he didn't get it up......really.......how would you know the difference? :-)
Wow that story sounded just like something I went through, but he didn't have a small penis. He did try to get it up himself though, and that's a MAJOR turn off for me.
Hmmm nicknames...
Well I dated quite a few guys from the internet, and after meeting them I tended to be so used to their screen name that I would still call them by that! I know how dorky! Oh well there was one I had with my bestfriend for my ex, but it's not a nickname. He was really dumb so whenever I talked to him I told my friend I had to ''break it down'' for him to understand. So me and her started making this motion with our hands, like breaking wood, everytime he didn't understand something. It would crack us up and I know it sounds mean, but this boy was really dumb. The sex was great though. :)
Ha ha... negative effects of the two-drink minimum.
This is going to sound horrible... I'm a guy and I dated this girl named Carrie in college. Every girl was named Carrie at my collge, so to differentiate, my Carrie became known as "Back Fat" because she had a big roll of fat on her back.
I once dated a Richard. His family called him Dick. I called him BD. (blush) Well, it was true.
True, size doesn't matter but sex with BD sure was LOTS of fun!
This is too funny. I love the image of passing a restaurant and saying "thumb dick and i went there."
Our names:
Italian Stallion
Psycho Christian
SuperFriend
Put Your Shirt Back On
Are you sure his name was't Larry? No, probably not. Larry made up for his "shortcomings" in other ways.
Unfortunately this guy couldn't make up for it in any way. He was a few years older so I figured him to be a little more experienced but that wasn't the case.
Hmmm. Well I submitted a story about Prickly Tongue Pete to try and win a book.
Other nicknames for exes (and one current):
The Bug
Half n half
Dogbreath
The most boring boy in the world
Oh, I had an earring fiasco too, and it just so happened that it was the weekend after I met my not-yet-did-I-know-he-would-turn-out-to-be-husband. The weekend after I met the man who was to become my husband, I felt he was giving me the cold shoulder, so I ended up going back to the place of a co-football player of the man who would become my husband.
I left my watch and earrings there, and then, after man who would become my husband and I rehooked up, I had to tell him about the punter who scored that weekend.
Karyn--did you send out the winning books yet? Dying to get my copy of SK! xo
I've had a few guys that I had messed around with that were tiny and I felt like I was molesting a little boy or something. One of them was not only tiny but he chewed on my ankles.]
Yes you read right... when we were going at it, he had my leg up on his shoulder and he chewed my ankles. therefor I named him "ankle biter" that was years ago but still to this day I call him that.
he bruised me and it hurt like hell, but now I laugh about it and feel extremely sorry for all the other ankles he has chewed over the years.
Good thing I check with size through video chat in webdate.com before I go out with anyone. Lol. :)
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