Conversations with your pets
Mar 10, 2006 at 9:02 AM 
Okay, enough of the feel-good stuff - back to me being a whack.
Warning: If you're not a dog or cat owner, you might find the following post disturbing. (Actually, even if you are a dog or cat owner, you might find the following post disturbing.)
I talk to my dog and cat, I do. I tell them random things, like how my day's going, what I'm making for dinner, etc., and they blink. This isn't uncommon - I'm pretty sure most pet owners talk to their animals. However after a recent trip to LA I took this a step further and began talking back to myself as if I am my pets. Here, let me explain...
While I was recently in Los Angeles, I stayed with two guys, Mark and David, who have two Italian Greyhounds, Brisco and Gertie. (BTW, Gertie is in a book called Greyhounds Big and Small
Anyway, after staying with Mark and David for a month or so, I picked up this habit. But the thing is... I live alone and don't have a second person to talk back to me, so I started doing it myself. For example, when I gave Beverly her breakfast one day last week (which was dry dog food) she looked at it for a couple seconds but didn't eat it. When she looked back up at me, I asked, "Aren't you hungry?", and then I raised my voice an octave and answered myself as if I were Bev, saying, "Yeah, but where's the gravy, bitch?!"
On one hand I think I'm losing it (I mean, I'm having conversations with myself - it's kinda schitzo), but on the other hand I think my behavior isn't that odd. I mean, everyone talks to their pets. Besides, at least I do it alone in my apartment and no one can hear me - right??
WRONG.
It was yesterday, I don't know what came over me. I took Beverly out with me to run errands and she fell asleep in her bag while we were on the subway. When she did, someone sitting next to me commented about her looking exhausted, so I looked down at her and asked, "Bev, are you tired?" Hearing my voice, she raised her ears and looked up at me, at which point I raised my voice an octave and said back to myself as if I were her, "Yes, Mommy! I'm so, so tired!"
The person on the train looked at me like, Sh*t woman - take your meds. I mean, not only did I talk to myself like I was my dog, but I called myself "Mommy." Yikes.
I'm not losing it, I'm not. I simply picked up a bad habit and need to break it. But anyway, all this leads me to wonder... what kind of odd behavior do you exhibit when you're alone with your pets? C'mon... you know you do something. Let me know what it is. Make me feel better.
PS - Regardng their alter egos... When my cat Elvis talks back to me, he's a major ghetto thug who uses the words "bitch" and "ho" a lot. He's totally disrepectful. Bev, on the other hand, is an out of control teen with a severe drinking problem who often slurs and swears something fierce.
Reader Comments (18)
I swear our cat knows our family members' names. So sometimes i would trick her and say "Chill is here!" (Chill is my sister) and then our cat would run up to our glass door and see my sister's car pull up. But it'd be my mom coming out of the car coz she uses Chill's car sometimes. So the cat would look disappointed and "meow" sadly. We all get weird w/ our pets!
You know the "rubber ducky" song from Sesame Street? I sing it to my cat, replacing the words "rubber ducky" with her name plus "kitty." The fact that she does not make bath time lots of fun at all adds to the amusement value. Also, sometimes, I put in different words.
When my cat makes one of her kitty noises, I repeat it (badly) to her. Sometimes I start the "conversation" by making one of her kitty noises. She usually looks at me like, "Am I supposed to understand what you just said? Because I don't."
You know this could help you out with your little problem at Starbucks.
:0)
SO funny!
I don't think it's weird at all. I have to cats Boo who is 2 and Oreo who is one, both males. My fiance and I talk to and talk for our cats all the time. Boo is a more refined, spoiled cat, who loves Oreo but misses the day when it was just him to suck in all our love. Oreo was a street kitty who was saved at four weeks old by a lady who brought him to the adoption place. He is ghetto since he's from the street and has trouble being sweet and rubbing on legs and allowing us to hold him for too long, but he's working on it and making progress. We imagine his motto is," Yeah I may have lost the freedom of the great outdoors, but here the catnip is free. You can't imagine the dirty tricks I had to do to get it out there."
don't feel bad, i'm worse.. i do it with my hamster... he doesn't even have a name yet but he apparently can converse with me:)
My husband and I talk too (and for) our cat all the time. He has a pretty filthy little mouth on him.
my cat has a ghetto mouth too. he is always cussing and sometimes when he gets really hungry he throws furniture.
You think that's bad? I was grilling sausages one day and they were letting out this squealing sound and I said - to myself, but out loud - "Can you hear the sausages screaming, Clarice?" in a Hannibal Lecter voice.
I had to turn the grill off and go and have a lie down.
Me & my husband do the same exact thing w/our dogs!!!!. they are our babies. My Urban hybrid girl "talks" in a teenager ghetto voice, but my pure breed beagle girl tends to have a english accent, like "but, mummy, I want a treat. I guess me and my husband need to take our meds too.
My dog is a rapping dog. Her favorite song she "sings". It 'Big Pup Pe' (she has shepard in her). Her goes--Biggie, Biggie puppy can't you see, your big puppinest just mezmerizes me, and I just love your big puppy ways.
Yeah I need help
tee-hee-hee, i thought i was the only wack-o out there who not only talks to their pets, but answers for them. my dogs have their own voices, too. "sweet" sadie (rottweiler) is a bit ghetto girl and "li'l miss shit-starter" chloe (golden retriever) gets a prissy voice until she starts shit and then becomes a bit, "fcuk u beeeyatch." just like her mommy!
one of the favorite past times in my home is narrating the thoughts of our pets.
for example. rolen runs into the room and plops the kong in my lap. and stares at me. and then at the kong. and then at me. and then the kong. and then he sits and stares at me. and then the kong. then me. then he grabs the kong and huffs away to daddy.
this translates into "HERE I AM! I HAVE MY KONG! NOW YOU HAVE MY KONG. right there. the kong. don't you see it. i'm sitting pretty now. that's what i do. then you throw the kong or fill the kong. the kong. RIGHT THERE! THE KONG YOU DITZ!! FINE. BE THAT WAY. DADDY WILL DO IT.
and then it starts all over again.
You think that's bad? I do the same thing with my teddy bears. Surprisingly, my boyfriend doesn't seem to mind...
Thank you all, for validating my weirdness. We should start a club.
My roommate and I do exactly that same thing. I have a 3 year old white long-haired chihuahua (who is probably gay as well) that answers us when we talk to him (aka...my roomie makes his voice...or I do). He is pretty cute and actually seems to bee 100% involved in all our conversations. His name is Gringo, and he also has approx 10 outfits of which we change based on his "mood" or occasion. You are not weird....perfectly normal behavior.
I speak to my dog and then respond as my dog... However for some reason he responds in a British accent and calls me mummy... There are so many things wrong with this.. :D
ok, so i'm behind the times with this post but seriously...I had four cats...One was Tabitha and she was definitely british..one was floyd and he was ummm...let's just say..as dumb as rocks and that was his voice...Polly was a sweet girl with a snaggle tooth face so, she was kinda hyper/ghetto...and stormy, well he was like a little pinocchio voice...so it's perfectly normal...Now my roommates dog is Marty, he's pervy and has a deeper voice...and my new cat Woody (who is a girl) is very princess like..she's a spoiled teenage voice..and I take my meds! Imagine me without them!